meat me here

on a week i've kind of met three of my former lovers more than once. plus one in a dream. plus one only by texts. plus one future favorite dream boy. i don't know if this town's become tiny, or if my life has.

i haven't felt this for four years now maybe, but it's tingling in my stomach when i think i see him, and i want to go out(doors) again!!!!

hepp eeh bird ey, mazzy

reading german ideology and another thousand pages. now, will you love me?

rovfågeln håller mig vaken. inte på natten men på vägen. jag såg den idag igen.
maud som var fosterbarn köpte bigarråer åt mig för hon ville inte att jag skulle få magkatarr.

traveling now.

nej, det förblir nog som ikväll. jag sitter på samma plats som för åtta år sen och tycker att nåt förändrats. ändå står det bara still.

oh so talented

everybody likes you. they just come up to you and put their arms around you.

åt jag djur. som om jag inte gör det annars. känner mig aldrig riktigt närvarande eller välkomnad eller vad det är. tills jag träffar andra.

seem to believe words will come out better the later it is. shortly after it'll be very early instead. you know what i mean but i don't. write to people i love or at least want to again. woke up this morning with a note from myself. it was so shrewd at the moment it was written down, but the words made no sense awake. i wish i knew what i wanted myself to remember.

today's been an awkward day in a little village east from here. i didn't mean to, but i burnt my right arm. it was not the purpose of being in such a tiny place and i say tiny so often. a man came up to me and wanted to talk all about bicycles and australia. he said it, i, must be lonley. he surprised me with his traveled life and well-bred way of conversing. he never wanted to leave although he meant to twice. he'd torn down a wall to fit his pool table and many other thing said a lot about him too.

but the happening outside this teeny grocery shop, was me having staff made coffee with two handsome police men saying "so, why are you here, in this tiny village?" unfortunately or luckily not to me but to the mysterious man half sleeping on a stool. i had another scene in my head than the one occuring. and "do you have a friend who can act?" those were the most peculiar questions i could imagine from these two blue men. maybe should i stop being so prejudiced.

a girl passed by with a comb in her hand. she ran and skipped, but whenever she lifted the comb towards her long, very blonde hair, she walked. and she continued running. i thing i need to do something about that. and i also miss that, when one run without any special purpose.

men <3

tonya och nancy upptar min sena eftermiddag. det är så tråkigt. jag har köpt en stor bok, läst avund. i min lathet har jag väntat på förändring. alldeles passivt.

en dag har klargjort min inkapabilitet. försöker ringa tusen främlingar och är trevlig, men låter torsken puttra i en och en halv timme. vill bara träna men råkar äta glass utan sällskap istället. det är inte gott men det kyler allt jag känner. kollar på tv och gör pilates och dricker kaffe så jag har brännblåsor på tungan. slänger en sak i timmen, dålig karma tänker jag, fast jag vill ha kvar allt som är fult. vill ha det jag vill.

i went on my mum's friend's sunday party


mummy danced



that was about it